Alternate History

President Dahmer

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Lionel Dahmer is extremely alarmed to discover that his son, Jeffrey, has been dissecting cats and dogs and other animals. He takes his son to therapy and gets him into counseling with the family pastor.


Dahmer becomes a born-again Christian early in 1971. He begins going to church regularly with his father.


Dahmer begins expressing an interest in the ministry to his current Pastor. He begins applying to different Bible Colleges throughout the U.S.


Dahmer settles on Bob Jones University and begins his studies for the ministry that fall.


Dahmer graduates Bob Jones University with Honors. He also marries Sarah Heath (Sarah Palin OTL), an Alaska native who he met during a trip to Idaho for a job interview as a pastoral candidate.


After working for a year in the commercial fishing industry in Alaska, Dahmer takes his first Pastor position at a small Baptist church in Anchorage, AK. Due to his strong oratory skills the church would more than triple in size by 1985.


During a chance meeting with Billy Graham during one of his crusades, Graham is so impressed with Dahmer that he is invited to join Graham one his next crusade in 1987.


After joining Graham on his crusade, Dahmer is a huge hit. He begins to get a following of his own.


Dahmer leaves his church for a new congregation. He becomes the senior pastor of a "mega church" in Santa Rosa, CA.


Dahmer is seriously dismayed when he learns that the next President will be Bill Clinton. He has a hard time stomaching the fact that a known draft-dodger and philanderer would ascend to the highest office in the land. With the urging of his wife, he is privately considering a career change into politics.


Many parishioners are noticing that Dahmer has become increasingly political from the pulpit. Although many do not take him seriously, CNN commentator Wolf Blitzer has even mentioned he might take on Lynn Woolsey for the House seat.


Dahmer shocks most of the world when he announces from the pulpit (and in front of his national Sunday TV audience) that he will be resigning his ministry effective February 1, 1994 to focus on the House of Representatives Race against Lynn Woolsey.


Due mostly in part to his oratory skills, Dahmer is now the next congressperson for the 6th Congressional District in Santa Rosa, CA.


Dahmer proposes a bill that would eliminate the red tape from adoption and give families who adopt a 2,000 dollar tax credit. The bill is passed through the senate and house and is signed by President Clinton.

In June Dahmer begins legislation that would eliminate abortions after the 8th month of pregnancy. The measure passes through both houses and is supported by Clinton.

In October Dahmer proposes legislation that would make parenting classes required for anyone expecting a child who is under the age of 21. Clinton supports this also.


In February Dahmer proposes legislation that would assist families who want to adopt overseas, aiding them in securing passports, etc., and generally streamlining the process. Clinton would eventually sign the bill.

In September Dahmer has legislation that would allow churches to endorse candidates that they think would promote families. The bill doesn't make it out of the house despite Clinton's backing. Dahmer defects and becomes a Democrat.

Dahmer sponsors some very controversial legislation that encourages businesses to hire individuals who are just coming out of incarceration. He feels that helping to give people gainful employment could lower the recidivism rate however. There is much contentious debate over the bill, with even Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo getting into a shouting match over it. Although the bill doesn't make it out of the house, Dahmer is now propelled into the national spotlight.


Dahmer causes a small stir when he goes on the 700 club and says that "were it not for the power of God and for my father there is no telling what I might have ended up becoming. Maybe even a serial killer." However the incident isn't remembered for very long.



After President Clinton and Vice President get into a shouting match in the Oval Office over Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky affair, Gore gets angry and shocks the world by resigning in protest. The office of the Vice Presidency, at least for the time being, is left vacant.


After some conversation back and forth, President Clinton announces that he has chosen Congressman Dahmer to become the next U.S. Vice President. Although the move is seen by some as a diversionary tactic, Vice President Dahmer is welcomed.

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