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President Cobain

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Kurt Donald Cobain is the 44th and current President of the United States. Prior to becoming president, Cobain was the Democratic governor of Washington and was also the lead singer and guitarist of the 90's grunge band Nirvana.

1994

  • March: Kurt Cobain, while in his room at a rehabilitation center in Los Angeles, California decides that he should continue to try to fight his addiction to heroin instead of attempting to escape, a thought which has been crossing his mind for hours. As several weeks pass Cobain begins to realize he is making progress with his addiction and three weeks later is released from rehab with a new found purpose in life.
  • July: Nirvana releases a new album titled From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah. The album is highly successful and shoots to the top of the charts.
  • September: Cobain begins to take interest in the upcoming 1994 midterm elections. Cobain correctly guesses that Republicans will retake control of the congress and senate.
  • November: Cobain is proven correct when Republicans emerge victorious from the 1994 mid-term elections.

1995

  • January-May: Cobain goes on a speaking tour of West Coast high schools in which he tells teenagers to stay away from drugs and alcohol. The tour attracts media attention towards Cobain's increasing anti drug and pro political positions.
  • July: Nirvana releases a New album titled "Dreams of Aberdeen". Critics say the album is a moderate success.
  • October: After months of a souring marriage Kurt Cobain divorces Courtney Love and wins possession of his children in a court of law.

1996

  • February: Cobain officially endorses President Clinton's reelection during an interview on Entertainment Tonight.
  • August: Cobain attends the Democratic National Convention and is impressed by President Clinton's acceptance speech.
  • September: Cobain officially campaigns for Clinton in several swing-states. His tour is very successful and actually increases Clinton's poll numbers in several states.
  • November: Cobain attends Bill Clinton's acceptance speech after he defeats Bob Dole in a landslide. Ralph Nader is elected as a Democrat Congressman from Connecticut.

1997

  • January: Cobain attends and plays a gig at Clinton's re-inauguration.
  • March: Fans continue to buy Cobain's music, including the Live at the White House CD he released of his re-inauguration gig. President Clinton announces that he is going to appoint Cobain and the rest of Nirvana to be "good-will Ambassadors" as they tour to encourage volunteerism. Meanwhile, Cobain becomes a born again Christian and his music takes a much more upbeat approach, similar to Lifehouse of today.
  • May: The Salvation Army announces a spike in donations and people lining up to volunteer as a result of Nirvana's touring.
  • July: Nirvana teams up with Bono and U2 to do a charity concert to benefit the Darfur region of Sudan. Cobain speaks to the crowd and tells them that "there is always someone worse off than you and I am living proof that the best remedy for a pity-party is helping others."

1998

  • Cobain seriously considers entering politics in his home state of Washington.
  • January: Cobain announces he will consider running for Congress in Washington's 6th district.
  • March: Cobain announces his candidacy for the Democratic Primary, but narrowly loses to incumbent Norman Dicks, mainly due to lack of support from elderly voters, and the small turnout of young voters.
  • July: Cobain and Nirvana release there final album, An Addicts Pity Party. It sells better then Aberdeen Dreams.
  • August: Nirvana has their final concert at the Kingdome in Seattle. Nirvana plays Smells Like Teen Spirit as a final song. The concert is released on film, and is called "Nirvana. Live at the Kingdome".
  • September: Cobain and Krist Noveselic go on a speaking tour, visiting High Schools, and warning them of the danger of Drugs.
  • October: Cobain endorses Jesse Ventura for Governor of Minnesota.

1999

  • January: Cobain announces he will run for Governor of Washington, in 2000.
  • March: "A Draft Cobain" movement for President begins. Cobain takes the Sherman Stance, ending any hope for him being President in 2000.
  • November: NBC Poll shows Cobain leading Governor Gary Locke in the Democrat Primaries.
  • December: Governor Locke drops out of the race to run against Senator Slade Gorton.

2000

  • January: George Bush and Al Gore win the Iowa Primary for there parties.
  • February: McCain wins the New Hampshire primary, and Al Gore defeats his only challenger, Bill Bradley.
  • March: Cobain wins the Democrat Gubernatorial Primary, and Dino Rossi wins the Republican Primary for Governor.
  • April: George Bush secures the Republican nomination, and chooses Richard Cheney to be his running mate.
  • May: Gore picks Joe Lieberman to be his Vice Presidential candidate.
  • July: Polls show Cobain narrowly leading Rossi by 2%.
  • August: Polls show Rossi having a 7% lead.
  • September: Cobain retakes the lead, and by the end of the month, leads Rossi by 11%.. Gore and Bush are in a dead heat for President.
  • November: Bush wins Florida and the election, though Gore wins the popular vote. Cobain is elected Governor of Washington, winning by 12%.
  • December: Governor-Elect Cobain and his girlfriend Melissa Auf der Maur marry in Aberdeen, Washington.

2001

  • January: Governor Cobain sworn in, promising tax cuts, budget cuts and Universal Healthcare in his inaugural speech, before it is interrupted by the crowd singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit".
  • March: Cobain cuts the budget by 12%, and Property Taxes by 10%
  • July: Cobain passes a new Universal Healthcare System through the Democrat controlled legislature, it goes into affect on January 1st, 2003, and provides all state residents with insurance.
  • September: Terrorist fly planes into the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and one more, which fails to hit the White House, and crashes in West Virginia when the flights passengers attempt to take back the plane.
  • November: The US Invasion of Afghanistan begins, with Governor Cobain's support.
  • December: US forces take Kabul, and drive the Taliban out. Mullah Omar and Usama Bin Laden flee into Pakistan.

2002

  • January: Governor Cobain passes a law allowing Civil Unions to get the same benefits that married, heterosexual couples do.
  • July: Iraq and the US enter talks regarding there alleged WMD's.
  • August: UN Weapons inspectors arrive in Iraq. Members of Congress call for an invasion of Iraq. Cobain condemns the demands for war.
  • November: UN inspectors "Iraq is in serious breach of International Law".
  • December: Governor Cobain announces he will seek re-election as Governor in two years.

2003

  • January: Cobain's son Donald Louis Cobain born in Seattle.
  • February: War with Iraq is seen as "unavoidable". Anti war protest in Seattle. Governor Cobain offers his support.
  • March: The US led Coalition invades Iraq, Saddam Hussein is killed in the early hours of the invasion. Cobain leads an anti-war rally.
  • July: No WMD's discovered, and casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan are up to 1000. Cobain announces he is "seriously considering" a run for President in 2004.
  • August: John Kerry announces he will not run for President.
  • September: Carol Mosley Brown, Howard Dean, Paul Wellstone, and Kurt Cobain formally announce their Presidential campaigns.
  • December: Cobain is a close third, behind Dean and Wellstone. John Edwards enters the race.

2004

  • January: Paul Wellstone wins the Iowa Democrat Primary with 36%, followed by Dean with 34%, Cobain, with 20%, Edwards, with 9%, and Brown, who gets 1%.
  • February: Dean wins the New Hampshire primary, with 47%, followed by Wellstone, with 33%, Edwards with 11%, and Cobain with 9%, Brown drops out soon after. In South Carolina, Dean triumphs with 56%, followed by Edwards 33%, and Wellstone with 20%. Cobain drops out soon after.
  • March: Cobain defeats Christine Gregoire in the Democratic Primary for Governor. Republican Ron Sims is the winner of the Republican Primary.
  • July: Cobain leads Sims by 19%, Howard Dean and Paul Wellstone are nominated as the Democratic Ticket against President Bush and VP Cheney. Former President Ronald Reagan dies in California.
  • October: US forces in Iraq capture Saddam Hussein. Major Terrorist plot in Germany foiled.
  • November: President Bush narrowly defeats Dean and Wellstone for re-election. Governor Cobain is elected in a landslide over Sims.

2005

  • January: Governor Cobain announces he is "seriously considering" running for President again.
  • February: Islamic Terrorist strike Paris, launching armed assaults on Hotels, killing many, and taking several hostages. 532 people killed, 47 Americans among the dead.
  • July: Suicide Bombers strike London's Transportation systems. 65 killed.
  • August: Washington leads the nation in Employment, and Economic Growth.
  • November: Democrat Congressman Ralph Nader announces he will go after Joe Lieberman's Senate seat.
  • December: Former President James Carter dies in Georgia.



2006

  • January: Governor Cobain prepares a campaign for the 2008 Presidential Election. He hopes to announce his candidacy in January of 2007.
  • February: Al Gore announces he will not run for President.
  • March: North Korea test a Nuclear Bomb, creating International attention.
  • May: Dan Quayle announces he will run for President, becoming the first primary candidate on the Republican side.
  • July: Governor Kurt Cobain's third child, Rachel Frances Cobain is born in Seattle.
  • November: Democrats take control of Congress back in a landslide election. Ralph Nader is elected to the Senate in Connecticut.

2007

  • January: Governor Cobain announces he will run for the Democratic Party's nomination. He is followed by John Edwards, John Kerry, and Barrack Obama.
  • February: Dick Cheney announces he will not run for President. Paul Wellstone and Al Gore do the same.
  • March: Iran announces it has tested a missile.
  • July: George Allen, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Hillary Clinton, Evan Bayh, and Newt Gingrich announce candidacies.
  • August: Senator Ralph Nader announces his endorsement of Governor Cobain.
  • November: Speaker Pelosi announces she is "considering a run for President". John Edwards drops out.

2008



  • January: Governor Cobain wins the Iowa Primary, 19%. He is followed by Hillary Clinton with 18%, Obama with 16%, John Kerry with 16%, Evan Bayh with 13%, and Pelosi with 13%. George Allen wins the GOP Primary in Iowa easily. In New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton wins with 23%, followed by Cobain's 20%, Obama's 19%, Edwards 17% and Kerry's 14%. Bayh and Pelosi drop out soon after. Ron Paul, Guiliani, and Quayle drop out, and endorse Allen. In SC, Cobain wins narrowly, with 34% of the vote to Obamas 32%. Hillary comes in with 24%, and Kerry with 10%.
  • February: Cobain wins with 78% in Nevada. Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry drop out soon after. George Allen easily secures the Republican nomination. Obama wins the Michigan and Illinois Primaries.
  • March: Cobain wins Florida, and Obama drops out. Cobain secures the nomination.
  • April: George Allen names Newt Gingrich as his running mate, Cobain nominates Congressman Ralph Nader to be his VP, who he describes as "Progressive, and cares for the Working Americans".
  • May: Polls show Cobain leading Allen by 6%.
  • June: Libertarians nominate Ron Paul and Bob Barr.
  • July: Green Party nominates Cynthia McKinney and Jesse Johnson.
  • August: Constitution Party nominates Tom Tancredo and Alan Keyes.
  • October: Cobain leads Allen with 7%, though Libertarians begin to rise.
  • November: Cobain leads Allen by 9%. The election is held and Cobain wins in an impressing, yet not stunning victory. The official tallies are: Cobain 52% Allen 46% Paul 2%
  • December: President Cobain nominates Bill Richardson as Secretary of State, and Tim Geithner as Secretary of the Treasury. Wesley Clark as Secretary of Defense, Hillary Clinton as Attorney General, and John Edwards as Head of Health and Human Services. Collin Powell is named National Security Advisor.


2009

  • January: Cobain is inaugurated President. In his address, he promises Universal Healthcare, Immigration Reform, and a complete and total withdrawal from Iraq and Afghanistan. He also promises to end the Iranian and North Korean nuclear programs without the use of violence.
  • February: US military forces begin to withdraw from Iraq. The Afghan withdrawal will not begin to 2011.
  • March: President Cobain announces the USA will withdraw from NAFTA on January 1st, 2012, and protective tariffs to be implied, to support US Industrial growth, as well as to lower the unemployment rate, hovering at 8%.
  • April: GM and Chevy receive "bailouts" to support their company.
  • May: North Korea tests another Nuclear Bomb. Ambassador to UN Susan Rice condemns it.
  • June: US Military Forces are now 50% out of Iraq. Iraqi Prime Minister Al Malaki survives assassination attempt.
  • July: General Investment Act passed. It loans 25 Billion to States that need it. Violence in Iran over elections.
  • August: American Healthcare Reform Program introduced by the President enters the House. It creates a public run insurance company that will create competition with private companies. It allows buying across state lines, and introduces Tort Reform as well. Elizabeth Edwards, and Michelle Obama are named to a Presidential committee to oversee it.
  • December: Cobain becomes the first President since Benjamin Harrison to sport a beard.


2010

  • January: The Senate begins debate on "Cobaincare". In Iraq, US troops are 75% out. Secretary of State Richardson vists North Korea, and meets with Kim Jong Il in a controversial meeting. No agreement on the Norths nuclear program is reached.
  • February: Dubai Bombings- 147 killed when 11 Arabian suicide bombers detonate bombs throughout the city.
  • March: The "Cobaincare" plan is passed narrowly by the House. It enters the Senate.
  • April: President Cobain prepares for the midterms, as his approval ratings stagnate at 51%.
  • May: "Cobaincare" passes Congress, and is signed by President Cobain.
  • June: Primaries are held nationwide. In Florida, Rubio beats out popular governor Charlie Crist. In Delaware, Mike Castle beats out O'Donnell. Lisa Murkowski beats Joe Miller in the primary. Miller is nominated as a write-in candidate.
  • July-October: Heavy campaigning for the midterms. Polls show Republicans will retake the House, but the Senate seems up in the air. During this time, the "Tea Party Movement" grows.
  • November: Midterm Elections-In: Alaska, Joe Miller (Independent) narrowly beats Murkowski. In Illinois, Republican Mark Kirk wins. In Florida, Charlie Crist (I) and Lois Frankel (D) narrowly lose to Republican Marco Rubio. In Kentucky, Rand Paul defeats Jack Conway. In Pennsylvania, Arlen Spector (D) retains his seat. In the House, the Republicans gain enough seats to form a majority. In Florida's gubernatorial race, Rick Scott narrowly losses to Alex Sink. Mike Pence elected Majority Leader-designate by Republicans.
  • December: The year ends with Cobain's approval rating at 55%.


2011

  • January: North Korea tests another nuclear bomb, continues making threats to the South. The new Congress is convened, with Mike Pence being elected Speaker.
  • February: Iran closes the Straits of Hormuz is closed by Iran. The President orders the US Air Force to launch attacks on Iranian coastal positions. For three tense weeks, the Middle East teeters on the edge of war. President Cobain sends Secretary of State Richardson to Tehran, where an agreement is reached. Minor sanctions are lifted on Iran, if they agree to end the blockade of the straits. The President's poll numbers from 20% overnight.
  • March: Under heavy pressure, Secretary of State Richardson resigns. He is replaced by Richard Holbrooke.
  • April: Former UN Ambassador John Bolton announces he will run for President. He quickly takes the top spot in polls.
  • May: Sarah Palin, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Haley Barbour announce Presidential campaigns.
  • June: Hillary Clinton resigns as Attorney General.
  • July: Hillary Clinton announces she will challenge President Cobain in the Democrat primaries.
  • August: President Cobain announces at a press conference that he will not seek the Democrat nomination for President. VP Nader does the same the next week.
  • October: Senator Barack Obama, Howard Dean and Bill Richardson declare their intentions to run for the Democratic Primaries.
  • December: President Cobain refuses to endorse any candidate for the Presidential election. Military Coup in North Korea fails, after reports that Kim Jong Il has died. These reports are never denied by the North Korean government, Hugo Chavez assassinated in a failed coup in Venezuela.

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